Heavy Heart

Hi friends! I hope you are all doing well. I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. I was driving down our dirt roads last night going to pick someone up for church and thought to myself, " I never would have dreamed this would be my life."

We have recently read a biography on a woman named, Gladys Aylward. She was a wonderful woman who worked in China long ago. She has a very inspiring story and has made me think long and hard about how I spend my days. If I was back in the states and read this book I would have thought, "Man, what a wonderful woman, what courage, how brave, what purpose she had throughout her life. I want to be more like her." Then I would have thought, " Oh, but I could never do anything like that, I could never live out of the country, I could never learn another language or do anything great like she did."That is what I would have thought if I had read this then. I now think, "Why am I not doing more to reach the lost here? Why am I not spending more of my days telling stories? Why am I waisting so much time? I have been given one of the most wonderful opportunities of a lifetime... to share His Word. Why am I not doing it with more zeal?" These are my thoughts. I am mad at myself. I am busy, don't get me wrong, but I just feel like I could or should be doing more.

 I have been touched by another person lately as well. Her name is Susana Whittaker. She is 4 years old and has been battling cancer. She and her family lived in Haiti and worked with the people there sharing His Word. They are in the states now as she is getting ready to make her grand entrance into heaven. My heart is broken for this family. I mean, really broken. Annie has prayed for her EVERY day and now wonders why her prayers didn't work. We had to explain that sometimes God has different plans than ours. He wants Susana in heaven with him. He wants her to be an angel. She understood this and said, "Okay, if God says it is best, it is." I don't know how her parents are holding up. I just can't imagine and don't really want to, to be honest. I just am asking all of you to pray for them, without ceasing, that His WILL will be done. You can go to their website and see their latest blog entries at http://www.howcantheyhear.org/  I say she has touched me lately b/c I don't want to waste my time on earth when I am sure she would do anything to have another day to do what she wants to do. I need to get busy living! I will do it for Susana. I will do it b/c there are people who want to and can't and I will do it b/c cause I can and I never wanted to when I was living in the US, but now that I am here, I can't think of anything I would rather do with my life than give it to Him. Man, I am deep today, huh? Not depressed, mind you, just deep in thought and not wanting to waste another minute of my life on stupid things. I have to go, got things to do! :o) love to all! Missy