We can't explain to you how God has provided for our needs. I remember when Annie was burnt and I felt as if I was being carried by some force and all of our needs were being met. We were given a house, a car, clothes, food, and we felt so loved on it was crazy. Well, we are feeling that same way now. My parents have given us their home to live in for as long as we want, however we will think about other arrangements after Greg finishes his radiation. God was gracious and didn't allow our van to be sold, so we still have the van that we had while we were on stateside assignment. Then we were blessed by so many of you with gift cards, and meals. We can't tell you how blessed we truly feel. It has made this experience seem like a dream of sorts.
At the movies.
I remember reading blogs or posts of cancer patients or their family members and I always wondered how they go on with life, how they cope. It is crazy really, if you would have told me that my husband would be diagnosed with cancer, I would have thought I would cry all the time. I would have thought of myself as becoming very depressed and sad. It is something I can't explain, except to say that the force that I felt carrying me when Annie was burnt, was a force for sure. It was the Holy Spirit. He is now carrying me during this time as well. I truly don't cry. I get weepy sometimes, but that is usually when I think about the loss of my old life. The life when I didn't have to worry about doctors appointments, or how to get my doggie to the US, or the life when all I thought about was the little girl we were going to adopt. ( We still hope to adopt her, but only time will tell what God has planned for our adoption.) Other than that, we generally go about our days like normal, making goofy jokes and living life as if we are just here visiting family.
One story that I heard years ago has encouraged me. It was when my friend Anita asked a nurse about a cancer patient she and her husband had grown close to during her husband's cancer treatment. The nurse said that he had completed his cancer treatment and was doing well, and then he died of a heart attack. This may seem like a strange story to encourage me, but it does. None of us are promised tomorrow. Cancer could take his life someday, but I could die in a car accident tomorrow. Point is, we can't wait around wondering how anyone is going to die. One of my favorite verses from the Bible is Matthew 6:27, Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? I think when people hear the word cancer it just scares them. First thing I told my kids was, it's just a word. A scary word. We will not live in fear of cancer or anything else. We will live as if we have one purpose in life, and that purpose is to share Jesus with anyone who will listen. We have such an amazing God and He loves all of you. If being diagnosed with cancer brings one person closer to Him, we will say it is worth it!
It has been almost 11 years ago that we became missionaries. It was never something I thought I was equipped for. It was never something I thought I would be good at. Then once I was in Mexico and fell in love with the people, all I wanted was to share with them the good news of Jesus. I read in a devotional today that God always seemed to use ordinary people to reach the lost. They didn't have seminary, they weren't scholars, most were just ordinary people that could relate to ordinary people. I suppose that is why He has allowed me to be used for His glory. I am a sinner, saved by grace. I am not a missionary that knows a lot about theology or anything like that. (That is Greg's gifting) But, what I am good at, is loving on people. I do love people. I copied this from my devotion in Girlfriends in God.
When an ordinary woman meets an extraordinary God, normal life takes on a whole new meaning. Knowing God changes everything. We simply cannot encounter the living God and be the same.
Some people have said they didn't understand how God could allow this to happen. Or that they were mad at him because it has happened. Please, don't ever be mad at God on our account. We have never once been mad at Him. We have questioned him, because we really don't understand the timing in it all. We don't understand why He would lead us to adopt and then put a hold on that. We don't understand why He would have us set up a household in Mexico for just a few months only to have us come home. Trust me, there are many things, we don't understand. However, I am sure that when Jesus was hung on the cross, all of his followers didn't understand either. They shook their heads in confusion. But, God's plan truly is perfect and we will trust it.
