3 months...

It has now been a little more than 3 months since Greg went to live in Heaven. I have often wondered how people cope with losing someone they love. I now know, it is extremely difficult. I have thought a lot about where I am in the grief process and how I have handled the past 3 months. When I was pregnant with my children it never truly felt real to me until I was about 3 months along. In some respects, that is how I feel about Greg's passing. It has almost felt like he has been on a long trip, but each day it becomes more real to me that he is never coming back. It is so hard.

Matthew 5:4
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. 

The last 3 months of Greg's life were very difficult for both of us, mentally and physically. So, after he passed I was eager to do all the things I hadn't been able to do. However, I am finding out now that has drained every ounce of my energy and some days I don't know if I am coming or going.

Last week I hit a breaking point and decided something had to change. So, I asked Greg what I should do. ( I talk to him often.) Please don't get me wrong, I pray as well, I just wondered what advice Greg would give me on the situation I had put myself in. I was quickly reminded of a story. Many years ago before cell phones and GPS, I was driving home from a weekend trip and I got lost. I had gotten off on a highway going S instead of N or N instead of S, I can't remember.  However, I didn't realize this error until I had driven for about 2 hours in the wrong direction and saw a 'Welcome to Virginia' sign. I found a pay phone and called Greg and cried and cried as I told him what I had done. He was so sweet and he calmed me down and asked me if I knew where I was. I cried again as I said, "Yes, I know exactly where I am now, but I am so far from home." He said, "But, you know where you are, if you know where you are, you know how to get home." Of course, he was right, I was just tired and knew it just meant I wasn't going to get home for about 3 more hours, instead of one. So, when I had my breakdown last week, I could hear him say, "You know what the problem is, so if you know what this problem is you know how to fix it." My problem being I have just put way too much on my plate too soon. I have tried to do too much too soon and honestly, I am doing good to just survive. So I have started to do away with anything in my life that I don't have to be doing, or don't love doing.

People often ask me how I am doing and I say, "Fine." The truth is if I tell you I am fine it is because if I told you how I really am I may start crying and not stop. I am not depressed, truly I am not, but to say I am fine is ridiculous. I am living my life for the first time in more than 23 years without my best friend, I will never be the same again. I am just trying to figure out what our new normal is.

Please pray for our family as we celebrate spring break next week without Greg. This will be tough for us all, however, we know he would want us to make new, fun memories. We will finish our spring break week with the Brain Tumor Race where I plan on running the 5k in his memory. I am hoping I can make it the entire way, we shall see. If you would like to join or donate to this cause, here is the link: Charlotte Brain Tumor Race: Greg's G.O.A.T.s - National Brain Tumor Society

Here is what we have been up to in pictures.

Annie, and her two friends, Tassie and Amy and her new puppy, Sunny.

Max is like a teenager trying to get used to having a sister in the house. Not so excited about it. 

Love our pastor who was teaching Annie how to share Jesus. 

 Annie and MamaSay. (my mom) Please continue to pray for her 

as she heals from her back surgery. She is doing very well. 

We appreciate you following us on this journey. Love, Missy and the kiddos