These two mascaras may look very similar but they are VERY different. One is regular and one is waterproof. If you put the regular one on and cry, the entire world will know it by the black streaks going down your cheeks. However, if you wear the waterproof one and cry no one will be the wiser.
Over the past 19 months, I have worn waterproof mascara every day. I have had to do this because I never knew when the depths of grief would spill out of my eyes in the form of tears. Sometimes I was expecting to cry and didn't, other times I was not expecting it and would sob. In April of this year, I was very confused about many things. I was struggling with my identity of being a single mom, a widow, and with my job as a patient transporter. I was tired of being lonely. Tired of going to movies alone, eating dinner alone, worshipping alone and the list goes on and on. So, I was in a difficult place. I fell in love with the song, 'Spirit Lead Me' by Michael Ketterer.
This song spoke to my heart and said exactly how I felt. I want to do whatever the Spirit leads me to do in all circumstances. However, sometimes that is not exactly easy.
Before Greg died, he told me he knew I could never be alone, he said it would kill me. He was right. It nearly has. I told my friends at work I need a tee-shirt that says, " People are my coffee. " Greg was an amazing planner and made sure that the kids and I knew how he felt about most everything. He made sure I knew that he wanted me to remarry when the time was right. After he died I began to pray about that. I loved Greg so much I thought it would be impossible to love again. I told the Lord I never wanted another relationship if it wouldn't be as good or better than what I had with Greg. I have a lot of faith in God, however, I did not believe He would bring me anyone that would hold a candle to Greg Wood. I felt if He had someone he would have to be a widower so he would understand the love I had and the loss I feel. I gave God a list, which makes me laugh now. However, I felt so strongly that God would bring me someone at just the right time that I was burdened to pray for this future husband many times. I felt there were times his wife was suffering or he was hurting from loss and I would pray for him and his family. I remember specifically praying one day as I felt this man was out there hurting and I had no way of knowing how to help him except to pray, so I kept praying for him. Romans 12:12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.
Let me tell you of a God story. On April 23rd, I met a precious family at the hospital. I became friends with this family as they were there for 10 days. One of the family members happened to be a widower and we had an instant connection. I called him Uncle Tommy and we became fast friends. He told me about his wife and how God had provided for his needs during the dark times after his wife had passed. This gave me hope. Two months passed by and this family came back to the hospital. This time when I saw Uncle Tommy he asked if I would do him a favor. He wanted to know if I would meet with his nephew who was needing some encouragement. He explained that his nephew had lost his wife to breast cancer and was struggling and just needed a friend. I obviously was needing a friend as well and so I agreed. A few weeks later I met with Uncle Tommy, his wife Lynda and their nephew, Mark. We had a nice lunch and then Uncle Tommy and Lynda left and Mark and I talked for four hours. During these four hours, I told Mark I just wanted to be friends and that he shouldn't date until after a year after the passing of his wife. We decided we could go to dinner as friends two weeks later. However, two days after this lunch, I found myself at Greg's grave crying and asking him to forgive me. I had started to have feelings for a man and felt like I was cheating on Greg. I texted Mark and asked him to pray for my heart. He assured me he would and said he felt the same way. We started to talk on the phone and to text. My problem was that I didn't want to date and neither did Mark, but God was changing our hearts right in front of us. Sometimes God knows what we need before we do. Mark and I started to pray together and ask God to show us if this relationship was of Him. Every time we turned around the Lord was showing us his plan more clearly. At one point Mark shared a verse with me that the Lord had given him from Isaiah 42:9 Behold, the former things have come to pass, and new things I now declare; before they spring forth I tell you of them."
I loved this verse and thought it was so cool. I did feel like he had told me of this long before I met Mark. What is interesting is that right after he told me about that verse I looked it up in Greg's Bible and kept reading and read Isiah 43:18-19 I found it interesting that the verses almost say the same exact thing. However, this verse was circled in Greg's bible.
"Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.
I must say, this was one of the biggest confirmations for me. Greg had not only circled the passage but he had written out beside it, "Let loose of past." I have never felt freer than I did that day. I truly felt like Greg had given me his blessing and God had at the same time.
So, I want you all to know that God has done amazing work in my heart over the past month. I have been so blessed by the way God has taken my heart and knit it together with the heart of Mark Evans. I didn't know it was possible and I am honestly still in awe that God would be so good to me by first blessing me with Greg and now blessing me with Mark. I feel like Greg and Jesus were up in Heaven choosing the perfect man for me as a team. Mark is a Baptist pastor of a church located about 40 minutes away from my house. He has one son, Eric, who is 18 years old and will be attending Charleston Southern in a few weeks. He lost his precious wife, Leslie to breast cancer in December 2018. It has been a blessing to both of us as we walk this journey together. We will always love Leslie and Greg and they will never be forgotten. But like the verse above says,
He is making a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. I think it is time for me to start wearing regular mascara and begin to live the way Greg would want me to live. Not stuck in the past, but fully looking toward the future. I may have black streaks running down my face from time to time because I still cry, but these days, my joy is overshadowing my sadness and it feels amazing.
Meet Mark Evans!
Annie without her braces! I had to throw that one in!
This is Eric and his sweet girlfriend, Kylie.
This was when Annie and Jessica met Mark for the first time.
Mark's family! This was after he introduced me to his congregation.
Dick and Harriet Evans, Mark's mom and dad.
Me, Mark, Eric and Annie at Dave and Busters. I am amazed at God's goodness!
Mark and Eric will meet Jerod, Bri and Alex on Sunday! We are all excited about the future. Please pray for us as we continue to trust the Lord with this journey He has set us on.
