Scars

I have been thinking a lot about scars. As we are in the middle of Easter weekend it is a great time to think about the scars on Jesus' hands after he had returned to his followers. I am sure I would have been a lot like Thomas. I would have had to see the scars on his hands to really believe it was actually Jesus. 

John 20:24-29 (NIV)

Jesus Appears to Thomas

24 Now Thomas, one of the Twelve, was not with the disciples when Jesus came. 25 So the other disciples told him, "We have seen the Lord!" But he said to them, "Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand in his side, I will not believe." 26 A week later his disciples were in the house again, and Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, "Peace be with you!" 27Then he said to Thomas, "Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe." 28Thomas said to him, "My Lord and my God!" Then Jesus told him, "Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed."

I have often wondered about the scars on Jesus' hands. Why were they still there? Although I am far from a biblical scholar, I feel sure it is so we can all remember what Jesus did for us. His scars, although came from extreme pain, bring us great joy now.  I am so very thankful for the way He suffered and died for my sins so that one day I will be able to live in Heaven with Him. I am thankful that He is NOT dead, but truly lives in Heaven and has prepared a place for us. That gives me hope. 

It is not just Jesus' scars that have had me thinking. There are a different kind of scars all over my house. They are scars that have been left by my sweet husband. In the last few months of Greg's life, he drove an electric wheelchair all over our house. Now they are not exactly easy to drive and we have some scars to prove that. At first, when someone would ask what I needed, I would say, "I need my walls fixed." 

This is our biggest wall scar. Greg made this on many occasions as he was making his way to our bedroom  Now, when this happened, I  would cringe and think,

 I will fix that as soon as possible.  

                                            This is the scar on our dishwasher. At one point
                                Greg was using our kitchen sink and went in reverse instead
                                   of going forward causing a large scratch on the dishwasher.
                               Again, I cringed and thought, I have no idea how I will fix that.

About a year ago now, we moved into our new home and had new floors put in. I was so excited and loved my new house and my new floors. Shortly after that, I bought bunk beds for the boy's room. Greg, Alex and I were putting it together and a nail got stuck underneath one of the legs and when they moved it, the nail dug into the floor and made a huge scratch. I cried over my precious new floors. Greg was so sweet about the whole thing and told Alex to let me cry and explained how important these floors were to me. That scar on the floor means so much to me now. I can remember how we put the bed together and how sweet he was about the floor being ruined. Funny how what seemed as such a bad thing at the time, has become so beautiful to me now. 

This is a scar that was left by a medicine bottle during the last week of

 Greg's life. As hard as that time was, I never want to forget it. I got some of it off and intentionally left the rest. 

Now, Annie has some scars on her leg that have been left from her burn accident. At one point we went to a dermatologist and she told us she could have these scars lasered and they wouldn't be noticeable. Annie told me she didn't want to have them removed because she always wanted to remember what God had done through that experience. At the time, I didn't fully understand this.

I am now at that same point that Annie came to about her scars. I don't want those scars removed from my walls, dishwasher, floor or table. 

Just like the scars on Jesus' hands are beautiful to us now and they came from pain, these things I have described all came from pain or difficult circumstances but now they bring me joy. I love to run my finger over the mark on my bedside table and remember those precious evenings when he would whisper, "water" or "coffee" or "OJ." I see that mark on my wall multiple times a day and I have to smile thinking that Greg never was the best driver and it makes me laugh a little at how he would see dents on our car and he would sheepishly say, "I think I know how that got there."  

I am thankful for scars. I will always think differently about things that make lasting marks because even the painful marks sometimes bring beautiful memories. I pray you all have a beautiful and memorable Easter! 

These photos are from our spring break, Brain Tumor Race, and a few others. 

We had a great time at Cherry Grove for spring break. 

Thanks to Uncle Billy and Aunt Ann!  

Had a great time playing arcade games with these 3. 

We love our sweet little puppy, Sunny, but Max is definitely Mama's puppy! 

 I have some seriously sweet boys! 

We had fun playing putt-putt at our favorite course. 

Ate seafood at our favorite seafood restaurant! 

Everyone loved little Sunny! 

We were amazed at the support we had at the Brain Tumor Race! Our team had 44! 

We love our church and our pastors! 

Mike, our youth pastor has been a huge blessing to our family! We love you Mike! 

This was Annie making sure Mike was rocking his tutu for the race! 

Annie with her bestie, Tassie and her mentor, Erica. We love both of them! 

This was taken by the race photographer of my friend, Mindy and I as we started the race. 

I was so blessed by my high school buddies who joined me for this day and supported me! 

Greg was there to cheer me on!

Although, we were Greg's G.O.A.T.S , He really was THE G.O.A.T.! 

(GREATEST OF ALL TIMES)

Friends from church. 

My sister, her boyfriend, Chris and his son, Jordan and my nephew, Mason and our friend, Lauren. 

Annie with Greg

My sister-in-law, Jenny and niece, Caroline came to spend a week with us. 

We had a great time and were so encouraged by them being here. I am truly blessed by my family!

Love my "Sissy!"

Thank you all for your continued prayers! Love, Missy

3 months...

It has now been a little more than 3 months since Greg went to live in Heaven. I have often wondered how people cope with losing someone they love. I now know, it is extremely difficult. I have thought a lot about where I am in the grief process and how I have handled the past 3 months. When I was pregnant with my children it never truly felt real to me until I was about 3 months along. In some respects, that is how I feel about Greg's passing. It has almost felt like he has been on a long trip, but each day it becomes more real to me that he is never coming back. It is so hard.

Matthew 5:4
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. 

The last 3 months of Greg's life were very difficult for both of us, mentally and physically. So, after he passed I was eager to do all the things I hadn't been able to do. However, I am finding out now that has drained every ounce of my energy and some days I don't know if I am coming or going.

Last week I hit a breaking point and decided something had to change. So, I asked Greg what I should do. ( I talk to him often.) Please don't get me wrong, I pray as well, I just wondered what advice Greg would give me on the situation I had put myself in. I was quickly reminded of a story. Many years ago before cell phones and GPS, I was driving home from a weekend trip and I got lost. I had gotten off on a highway going S instead of N or N instead of S, I can't remember.  However, I didn't realize this error until I had driven for about 2 hours in the wrong direction and saw a 'Welcome to Virginia' sign. I found a pay phone and called Greg and cried and cried as I told him what I had done. He was so sweet and he calmed me down and asked me if I knew where I was. I cried again as I said, "Yes, I know exactly where I am now, but I am so far from home." He said, "But, you know where you are, if you know where you are, you know how to get home." Of course, he was right, I was just tired and knew it just meant I wasn't going to get home for about 3 more hours, instead of one. So, when I had my breakdown last week, I could hear him say, "You know what the problem is, so if you know what this problem is you know how to fix it." My problem being I have just put way too much on my plate too soon. I have tried to do too much too soon and honestly, I am doing good to just survive. So I have started to do away with anything in my life that I don't have to be doing, or don't love doing.

People often ask me how I am doing and I say, "Fine." The truth is if I tell you I am fine it is because if I told you how I really am I may start crying and not stop. I am not depressed, truly I am not, but to say I am fine is ridiculous. I am living my life for the first time in more than 23 years without my best friend, I will never be the same again. I am just trying to figure out what our new normal is.

Please pray for our family as we celebrate spring break next week without Greg. This will be tough for us all, however, we know he would want us to make new, fun memories. We will finish our spring break week with the Brain Tumor Race where I plan on running the 5k in his memory. I am hoping I can make it the entire way, we shall see. If you would like to join or donate to this cause, here is the link: Charlotte Brain Tumor Race: Greg's G.O.A.T.s - National Brain Tumor Society

Here is what we have been up to in pictures.

Annie, and her two friends, Tassie and Amy and her new puppy, Sunny.

Max is like a teenager trying to get used to having a sister in the house. Not so excited about it. 

Love our pastor who was teaching Annie how to share Jesus. 

 Annie and MamaSay. (my mom) Please continue to pray for her 

as she heals from her back surgery. She is doing very well. 

We appreciate you following us on this journey. Love, Missy and the kiddos