Seasons

I have been thinking a lot about the different seasons and what they signify. I mean, in general, we all know that spring is about rebirth, the newness of life, summer is about the growth of that life, then comes fall when everything changes colors, and begins to die and then winter is a time when everything is dead or in hibernation. I actually looked up the definitions of each season and it was a bit alarming how much our journey has been in alignment with the seasons of this past year.

Here is what the dictionary said:
Springtime: the season of growth
Summer: the period of finest development, happiness, or beauty;
Autumn: a time of full maturity, esp. the late stages of maturity or the early stages of decline
winter: a period of time characterized by coldness, misery, barrenness, or death.

So, I have actually been thinking about what the Bible has to say about seasons. Here is what it says:
Ecclesiastes 3 (NIV)

A Time for Everything

3   There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens;
2    a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3   a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
4   a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5   a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6   a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7   a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8   a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.


    I am sure most of you have heard this verse before. Lately, I have been in the 
time to plant and time to uproot season. I just came out of the time to be born and time to die season, so, if things go in order... I will be at a time to kill! Oh, yeah, I already did that too! I killed a snake! 😆 And, there is no way I will ever get past the second part of #7! I don't know how to be silent! 

So, here is the thing, I have had a difficult time with this season of spring. For many reasons. Obviously, the main reason is this is my first spring without Greg. He loved spring, he would sing a goofy song he made up about buds a burstin' and it made us both happy. He loved to hear the sound of weedeaters and mowers and the smell of fresh cut grass. So, I have had a somewhat difficult time as I have taken on his favorite job of cutting grass and doing yard work. I have been doing everything I know to make our yard look good. 

This was last spring. 

As you can see from this lovely picture of my yard, 

I have a long way to go before it looks nice. 

I put weed killer down and well, I guess that is all I had. 

I have decided that the Lord is teaching me patience. That is what I am to learn during this season of grief. At least for now. I am asked multiple times a week how I am doing. I want so badly to say, " I am doing great!" But that would just be a big lie. I am not doing great. I struggle daily to find the joy I know I possess. It usually peeks it's sweet head out a few times during the day, however, so does sadness. If you have ever seen the movie, Inside Out, you know they go hand in hand. I know I must walk through this season of sadness in order to find my joy. But I want so badly to just skip all the work and just get to the joy part. Grieving is a lot of work.

I will be patient. I will be patient for the joy to come and for my yard to one day be pretty again. I have been told I will probably just need to wait until next year before I have grass and it may be that way for complete joy as well. So sad. I think what has made doing the yard work so sad is seeing the things that Greg planted all dead. Last year for mother's day he bought me this beautiful rose bush in my favorite color. He babied it, gave it rose food, watered it and it was so pretty. I was looking forward to seeing it again this year. However, it has no life. I have cried over it and even my tears haven't brought it back to life. 

That is the same bush, one year later. 

I am now trying to find the same kind to replant it. 

He also planted a Crepe Myrtle. It was the last thing he planted. So, I truly wanted it to live. 

I went out to this tree and sat down beside it, prayed the Lord would heal it as it clearly had no life. I felt stupid praying over a tree, but my heart was truly broken that Greg had put so much love into a tree and it too was gone. I waited a few weeks and decided it was time to cut it down and buy a new one. I went out to the tree and all I could do was smile. There at the base of the tree was life. Precious little shoots of life. So I pruned it. I feel like God is pruning me. Truly cutting off the old parts that I don't need anymore so that new life can grow. 

In this picture, it looks like that green is coming from the ground, 

but I assure you, it is coming from Greg's precious Crepe Myrtle! 

His tree in our front yard hasn't grown any, however, there is a shoot off the bottom of it as well. 

The kids were adamant that our "cross tree" was to stay and so it has become a permanent fixture in our front yard. I am sure people wonder about us, but that is fine with me. 

I know that during this season of planting and uprooting and grief, that the Lord is still near to me. I have actually asked Him to, no begged Him to show me that He is there and He is listening. Then He does something like bring a seemingly dead tree to life for me. There is also great significance to the little bird on the cross. I wasn't sure if I was going to share this, but I decided you might like to hear it. When Greg and I were dating we would sometimes see a bird flying near us, or beside our car, as if it was guiding our way. It was a nice reminder that we have Savior that guides our way. We named it Timpybird. It was just one of the silly things we did, I have no idea where that name came from.  But since Greg has been gone, I see Timpybird everywhere. It has been that sweet reminder that someone, not a bird, but a creator is guiding me on this journey of life. 

Please pray for our family as we have lots of new things happening over the next month. Jerod will be graduating from Liberty University! We are all so excited about this and can't wait to see what God has in store for his future. Then he will be heading to China to teach English for the summer. Alex will be starting a summer job with World Changers and Annie will be heading to Camp Cheerio. I will be going back to school for the summer. I am taking a CNA class so I can become a Certified Nurses Assistant. I am hoping to work for Hospice in the future. I am praying that God will guide me and show me exactly where He wants me to work. Thank you all for following us on this journey. Love you all! 

Here are a few pictures from this month. 

Ran another 5k that was run in memory of Greg. 

It was run to raise money for missions. Alex filmed it, and it was on his 19th birthday!

We celebrated his birthday with pizza and a movie. 

And of course makeovers! 

Then these cutie boys had to go back to school. 

Annie and I went on a field trip to a museum about Mexico. 

 

Annie has been working on training her little puppy. 

We still have work to do, but little Sunny is a joy!